Commit This to Memory
by S.M. Eveliar
Summary: Memory - something remembered from the past; a recollection. Caution: may be painful.
1. The Night They Died

Disclaimer: I don't own the Harry Potter series or any of the characters. Those would belong to J.K. Rowling, as if you didn't know.

This is a collection of one-shots in which the character is thinking about more than meets the eye. Some dialogue taken from the books.

Summary: Molly's boggart sends Sirius into a recollection about the night Lily and James died...

* * *

"What's that you've got there, Mad-Eye?" Sirius Black said, coming up to renowned Auror Alastor Moody as his godson slipped upstairs, perturbed.

"Just an old photograph of the Order." Moody said, making to put it away. Harry's uneasiness hadn't gone by him unnoticed, after all. Too late, he realized that springing this upon the young boy might bring up troubling memories, and he didn't want to repeat his mistake by reminding Sirius of his dead friends.

However, Sirius was too quick for Mad-Eye. He held the photograph in his hands and stared at him and his best friends.

Remus was standing next to Sirius, and James was on Sirius' other side. And then, in between James and Lily...

Sirius' insides churned with anger and guilt. It was all that scumbag's fault, all Peter's fault.

It wasn't all Peter's fault. Said the voice at the back of his head. If it hadn't been for you, James and Lily might still be alive. Harry wouldn't be an orphan. It's all your fault.

Why hadn't Sirius seen through Peter? It seemed so obvious now, thinking back on it.

Sirius hastily wiped his eye, which held a single tear. "Damn allergies." He muttered. He felt a hand on his shoulder. Sirius looked up.

"Oh, hey Moony." Sirius said in a falsely bright voice. Remus had a somber look on his face.

"I miss them too." He said, looking down at the picture in Sirius' hands with the same closed expression.

"What's that noise?" Mad-Eye inquired suddenly, his eye swiveling. It stopped, looking somewhere above them. Sirius had to listen very closely to hear the sound of someone sobbing above all the chatter. Remus, the quickest, was up the stairs first, closely followed by Sirius, with Mad-Eye in tow, clunking noisily up the stairs and announcing their presence.

The source of the sobbing seemed to be coming from the drawing room, where Harry was standing in the doorway.

"What's going on?" Remus said, obviously worried.

Sirius followed Remus' gaze as he looked from Mrs. Weasley to... Sirius' breath caught in his throat.

There he was, James, his best friend, lying on the drawing room floor, clearly dead, his eyes staring blankly at the ceiling and a pool of blood leaking from his head.

No. It wasn't James. It was Harry. He glanced at Harry, who didn't look all too healthy, but was very much alive, then looked back at the carpet where his body lay. It was just a stupid Boggart. But still...

Sirius' mind was sent back to that horrible night, the night that he realized his awful mistake. He remembered it with vivid detail.

* * *

_I'd better check on Lily and James, just to make sure they're alright. Pete too_, thought Sirius. He'd been feeling nervous all week, ever since the Fidelius Charm had been performed, and didn't know what the source of his disquiet was.

Abruptly, Sirius sat up and pulled on his jacket, grabbed the keys to his motorbike, and headed out to Peter's hiding place.

It was early evening, just starting to get dark. The late October sky was crisp and the chilly air whipped through his hair.

Along the way, he saw groups of Muggle children, wandering the street and stopping at houses, celebrating Halloween in their eccentric way. Sirius marveled at how the Muggles couldn't sense the danger that they all were in, just being what they were.

Sirius jumped off the massive bike and rushed up to the front door, out of breath. "Peter!" He called out. When he heard no reply, Sirius began banging on the door. "Pete, let me in-" Sirius shouted. To his amazement, the door swung open on it's hinges easily.

_Something's not right here._ Sirius thought, his anxiety increasing by the moment. He ran inside, calling Peter, throwing open all of the doors and running up the stairs.

There was nobody in the house, no Peter, no anybody. _What if he's been kidnapped?_ Sirius thought frantically. _I thought they'd go for me for sure!_

But there was no sign of disturbance, no sign of struggle. Sirius sprinted back to his bike and revved up the motor, and was soon back in the air. The sun had completely set by now, and the full moon had risen high in the sky. With a pang of guilt, he wondered where Remus was and how he was doing.

He was pretty far out in the country when he first glimpsed the ruins of Godric's Hollow. An eerie glow seemed to be emitting from their house. As he got closer, he saw that the roof had felled in and it was oddly quiet. Not bothering to turn the engine off, Sirius jumped down from his still-afloat motorbike and ran inside the unlocked, open house.

Sirius stopped dead. He looked down at the body that lay in front of the stairwell, arms bent at an odd angle, glasses knocked askew and eyes gazing vacantly at him. There were no battle marks on James' body, but a pool of blood, surrounding his head and soaking into his messy hair, told Sirius that Voldemort had come and done this. And more importantly...

Peter! He hadn't been kidnapped! He had betrayed James and Lily, handed them over to Voldemort.

A burning hatred grew inside Sirius, but as his gaze fell upon the face of his best friend, the brother he always wished he had, he fell to his knees, and, ignoring the blood that was soaking into his pants, laid James' head on his lap, sobbing uncontrollably.

Sirius gently laid James' head down and stood up. Were Lily and Harry still alive?

He ran up the stairs and into the nursery, where he immediately saw the huge figure of Hagrid, holding a crying bundle of blankets. Hagrid himself was weeping, loudly and unrestrained, looking up into the sky, which was clearly visible through the broken beams that had held the roof up.

"Hagrid..." Sirius started, his body shaking from grief and his face pale as the moon overhead.

"Is Harry alright?" He said finally, his voice cracking. "Where's Lily?"

Hagrid, trying to regain his composure, failed, and pointed to the far right of the room, where Lily lay, slumped against the wall, looking like a delicate doll that had been thrown across the room.

Her usually vivid, emerald green eyes that sparkled with life were now an almost gray color, all of the life drained from her body.

Poor Harry, his godson, an orphan. Hagrid had his massive hand on Sirius' shoulder, comforting him.

"Give Harry to me, Hagrid. I'm his godfather, I'll look after him." Sirius said finally, breaking the silence.

"I can't." Hagrid said. "I got me orders from Dumbledore. Harry's ter go ter his aunt an' uncle's."

"His-" Sirius started. "You can't mean Lily's sister and her husband! They hate magic! They won't take proper care of Harry!" He protested.

"Dumbledore said tha' Harry needs ter be with them, he reckons." Hagrid said firmly.

"Fine." Sirius said resignedly. "Here, take my bike. You'll get back faster. The keys are still in the ignition. Keep Harry safe, Hagrid."

"How will yeh ge' back home?" Hagrid asked.

"I'll just Apparate. It's okay. Take it." Sirius said. "I won't need it anymore."

With that, Sirius turned abruptly away from Hagrid. He had to find Peter.

* * *

"Peter!" Sirius shouted, spotting the traitor a good ten yards from him, his back turned to Sirius, looking fretfully around at the few dozen or so Muggles on the street.

Peter jumped, looking at Sirius with fear in his watery eyes as he advanced on him

"You, you were the one passing information to Voldemort!" Sirius bellowed. "To think, we suspected Remus, of all people, when you were the scum who did it!" Sirius raised his wand high above his head.

But Peter was louder than Sirius, and he drew attention to them. "L-L-Lily and J-James, Sirius! How could you?" He gave a counterfeit sob. He pretended to fumble with his wand. In a voice that only he and Sirius could hear, he whispered "Goodbye, Sirius." And promptly blasted the street behind him to smithereens.

Smoke from the explosion surrounded Sirius and he choked on the foul smell. When the haze faded, all that Sirius could see was a crater in front of him, and the cracked sewer pipes below. Several bodies lay in the street, and Muggles were screaming. In front of him was a heap of bloody robes and a finger covered in blood.

Sirius stared. Peter had transformed, leaving behind evidence to condemn Sirius to fourteen years' imprisonment and hiding from the Ministry.

Sirius began to laugh at the absurdity of it all. A crazy, maniacal laugh that had erupted in the pit of his stomach. Had he eaten recently, he would have been sick, but was instead left with a feeling of immense sorrow, so fierce that all he could do was laugh. And he was still laughing when the Magical Law Enforcement Squad came to arrest him.

* * *

Regrettably, Barty Crouch had been in charge of the trial for Sirius, and had taken it upon himself in deciding that there was no need for evidence against Sirius and that he be sent straight to Azkaban.

And that's what happened.

Sirius was still brooding on that night, when he heard Molly Weasley sobbing. "I'm just s-s-so worried. Half the f-f-family's in the Order, it'll b-b-be a miracle if we all come through this. . . . and P-P-Percy's not talking to us. . . ."

At the mention of Percy's name, Sirius thought bitterly of the Ministry, not even willing to give him a fair trial...sentencing him to the Dementor's Kiss...putting a ten-thousand Galleon price on his head...

"Don't worry about Percy," Sirius said abruptly. "He'll come round. It's a matter of time before Voldemort moves into the open; once he does, the whole Ministry's going to be begging us to forgive them. And I'm not sure I'll be accepting their apology," he added bitterly. With that, and a sense of grim satisfaction, Sirius left to feed Buckbeak.


	2. The Boy Who Trusted Too Much

Went into another one of my 'looking too much into it' fits. Enjoy.

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. Much of the dialogue came from Chapter 5: Fallen Warrior from _Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows_, which is where this little excerpt-ish type of story would fit in.

* * *

When Bill returned with news of Mad-Eye's death, Remus felt his stomach clench, first with grief, then with suspicion. Hadn't Mundungus, the most untrustworthy of them all, been with Mad-Eye?

"We saw it," Bill said. Fleur nodded, silently crying. "It happened just after we broke out of the circle: Mad-Eye and Dung were close by us, they were heading north too. Voldemort - he can fly - went straight for them. Dung panicked, I heard him cry out, Mad-Eye tried to stop him, but he disapparated. Voldemort's curse hit Mad-Eye full in the face; he fell backwards off his broom and-there was nothing we could do, nothing, we had half a dozen of them on our tail-"

"Of course you couldn't have done anything," Remus said, and then fell silent, following everybody as they went into the living room.

Fred and George were laughing, Fred crouching down next to his twin brother and best friend who lay down on the couch. However, they realised something was wrong right away.

"What's wrong?" Fred said. "What's happened? Who's - ?"

"Mad-Eye. Dead," Mr. Weasley said.

Fred and George's faces of worry turned into grimaces.

Dora cried silently into a hankerchief, and Remus felt a pang in his chest. He knew that his wife had been close to Mad-Eye, even looked to him as a surrogate grandfather of sorts. The loss struck her the hardest, he knew.

Hagrid dabbed at his eyes with an oversized handkechief, hiccuping and already half-drunk.

Bill sent around glasses of firewhiskey. He raised his own glass, "Mad-Eye."

"Mad-Eye," Everybody echoed. Remus downed his glass in one.

"So Mundungus disappeared?" He said, more of a statement than a question. He tried to keep the accusation out of his voice, but even he could hear it. After all, isn't that what the guilty did after their crimes? Disappear, just as Peter had done?

"I know what you're thinking," Bill said. "And I wondered that too, on the way back here, because they seemed to be expecting us, didn't they? But Mundungus can't have betrayed us. They didn't know there would be seven Harrys, that confused them the moment we appeared, and in case you've forgotten, it was Mundungus who suggested that little bit of skullduggery. Why wouldn't he have told them the essential point? I think Dung panicked, it's as simple as that. He didn't want to come in the first place, but Mad-Eye made him, and You-Know-Who went straight for them: it was enough to make anyone panic."

Remus had to admit, Bill's words made sense. But he still could not expell the sense of suspicion. Years of loss and grief had conditioned him to rely on his skepticism and distrust.

"You-Know-Who acted exactly as Mad-Eye expected him to. Mad-Eye said he'd expect the real Harry to be with the toughest, most skilled Aurors. He chased Mad-Eye first, and when Mundungus gave them away he switched to Kingsley..." Sniffed Tonks.

"Yes, and zat eez all very good, but still eet does not explain 'ow zey knew we were moving 'Arry tonight, does eet? Someone must 'ave been careless. Somebody let slip ze date to an outsider. Eet eez ze only explanation for zem knowing ze date but not ze 'ole plan," Fleur added hostilely, glaring accusingly around the room.

"No," Harry said aloud, and they all looked at him, surprised: The firewhiskey seemed to have amplified his voice. "I mean . . . if somebody made a mistake," Harry went on, "and let something slip, I know they didn't mean to do it. It's not their fault," he repeated, again a little louder than he would usually have spoken. "We've got to trust each other. I trust all of you, I don't think anyone in this room would ever sell me to Voldemort."

Remus was forcibly reminded of a time when another raven-haired boy said the exact same thing...

* * *

James paced the room back and forth, running a hand through his messy hair out of habit. Lily was sitting on the couch, holding baby Harry in her arms, a worried look on her pale face.

"James, sit down, you're making me nervous," she said, her voice shaking. James stopped pacing, but remained standing.

Albus Dumbledore also sat on the couch, and across the room sat James' best friends and fellow Marauders: Sirius, Remus, and Peter.

"James, Lily, you must act quickly. Lord Voldemort knows of the prophecy, and I fear that he will act soon," Dumbledore reminded the couple of the reason that they were all there.

"Yeah, yeah..." James appeared to be deep in thought.

"Chose your Secret Keeper wisely," the old wizard said. "This is not a matter to be taken lightly. I would suggest meeting with each candidate privately and telling them. I believe that it would be best to keep the identity of your Secret Keeper ambiguous."

James looked at Dumbledore sharply. "There's no need to keep our Secret Keeper's identity a secret from anybody here. We've got to trust each other. I trust all of you, I don't think anyone in this room would ever sell me, Lily, or Harry to Voldemort."

"Well said, James," Sirius said, getting up and slapping him on the back.

"Yeah James. Your trust means a lot to us." Remus said, but stayed put in his seat.

Dumbledore, who trusted people to a ridiculous extent sometimes, looked skeptical behind his half-moon spectacles.

* * *

'We were so young then...' Remus thought with sadness. 'So naive...' The look on his face mirrored his thoughts, and Remus looked at Harry with a hint of pity.

"You think I'm a fool?" demanded Harry.

"No, I think you're like James," said Lupin, "who would have regarded it as the height of dishonor to mistrust his friends."

Remus turned and addressed the business of Mad-Eye's body before Harry could say anything back to him, hoping that he wouldn't make the same mistakes his father had...

* * *

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